X Factor Manicure Review
I love X Factor. I love nail polish. And there is A LOT of nail polish on X Factor. Certainly more than ever before. It needs to be addressed. Ergo, I give you my X Factor Manicure Review (with help from my friend and future guest-blogger Clare).
Pillar box red nails with fuscia lips! The week after navy blue nails with a red and black outfit! She’s not just rewriting the rulebook, she ripping it to shreds then getting a bespoke Essie catalogue leather bound by Shepherds, Sangorski & Sutcliffe. My mind was blown.
But then I realised that they were too long, and obviously falsies, and I didn’t like the squoval shape. My mind was unblown. Could do better. 7/10
Do up your shirt. All that hair is making me itchy. 0/10
AMAZING. Dannii’s make-up has been giving me all sorts of levels of excitement this series. I don’t know what happened, but suddenly it’s as if her face is … moving… and Actually Pretty … as opposed to last year’s futuristic-cadaver look. And she’s doing nails much better than Cheryl. Shorter, and a nicer, neater shape generally. Not so radical with the colour-combinations but I still LOVED that shade. Clare and I debated it at length and we think it was either Essie Bordeaux, an OPI one that Claudia Winkleman wears for Strictly: It Takes Two (Claudia told me on Friday night but she didn’t know the name) or – interestingly – just the one coat of Chanel Rouge Noir. Exemplary. 9/10
There is no doubt in my mind that Louis has, on occasion, picked up a bottle of varnish from the make-up room, slipped it into his pocket, wandered down the corridor to his dressing room, and then painted a few toes before going on air, wriggling those digits when nervous. I’m the only one who has guessed. 10/10
Despite the terrifying 80s vibe of the rest of the outfit, her nails were really beautiful: glassy (typo but it stays cos it works) purple, not too long, not to ‘fierce’ but not too ‘ooh look they’ve turned me into a right lady here’ either. But this picture sums up her little moment at the end and thus impeded the capturing of any decent manicure images.
I think we all know my gaze was a good few inches below his fingernails.
I loved their performance, I was so happy about Graziella rapping, and I wasn’t even as bothered by the pinstripe/black configurations of the outfits as Twitter’s @iamjamesward. (And he cares about them a lot). But there were some nail crimes being committed here. OH THE HUMANITY.
* Shar (on the left) had fingernails bitten to the very quick. It’s understandable: it’s a stressful time. Even I’ve bitten my nails in the past, so I can’t judge that. But letting some work-experience buffoon from make-up paint them WW2 red in the name of Frank Sinatra was tantamount to self-sabotage. All it did was draw attention to something that would never otherwise have been noticed. A disgrace. Whoever let this happen should be forced weave a stuffed toy for Stacey’s baby entirely from Simon’s stray wrist hairs. 2/10
* Shan (on the right) had some kind of weird red tips scenario going on. Again, a very 40s look, sort of the reverse of this.
But they weren’t quite long enough, and they looked like they were shonkily-applied acrylics. 4/10
* Graziella had short neat black. Probably Essie. Fair enough. She’s a no-nonsense diva. As it should be. Keep focussing on the singing, but don’t actively attack your chances like the other two. 6/10
Hideous ‘French manicure’. Except I don’t think it was a French manicure, I think it was acrylic nails with white plastic tips. Which can looked lovely (it’s what I had for my sister’s wedding) but she had about an inch of white showing and that simply looks tacky. Then again, maybe I’m biased on account of thinking that pretending to have borderline learning disorders isn’t charming and never will be.
(I cannot bear to post an image so enjoy my acrylic thumbnails in Italy two nights before my sister’s wedding. Unchippable, I tells ya).
Neat, glossy, boring. As was she, although I do love her.
I want them to stay in so that they can start to experiment with ‘man’icures. After all, they need something to set them apart from the rest of the crowd.
Suprisingly attractive. Disconcertingly attactive. I had no idea. And now I can’t stop humming this.
PS I don’t know anything about copyrighting images online so just send Lily Allen round if I’ve broken laws.
Filed under: Polish, Why, why, WHY? | 3 Comments