Help me to love nail polish again


Oh dear. Oh dear me. I didn’t mean to do it, but the otherwise lovely author Sophie Hannah suggested I did. I should have known better. People eat bloody GRAVEL in her books. But I went and watched Orphan. On a Sunday night.

As if the film wasn’t terrifying enough, it has now turned me off nail polish. Possibly for life. Because just as I leaned into the TV to turn it off, I was confronted with the most horrific closing credits sequence of all time.


How could something that brings me so much pleasure now fill me with such morbid fear? Please help me. Help me to love nail polish again. Why do you love it? Please tell me you do. Or I might burn down your house…


4 Responses to “Help me to love nail polish again”

  1. 1 Stefs

    Firstly, I share your pain, I watched it while home alone and spent the last thirty mins hugging a cushion and shouting at the screen…am having to watch ‘baby mama’ to make things better. All you need to think is that a true nail afficiando would never, I repeat never, use a gloopy polish and lastly say it to her with me ‘orphanbitch please, your cuticles need to breathe!’

  2. 3 Leila

    I’m sorry you had to see this, Hemmo.

    This may cheer you up, I don’t know, I find it a bit odd. But I recently heard about some donuts that are meant to look like nail polish?

    A bit like painting icing on car tyres.

    I’ve also been waiting patiently for you to talk about the manicures sported by The Body, on ITV’s bizarro game show, The Cube.

    • Oooh ooh those doughnuts make me feel a bit unusual. They’re wearing make up.

      I haven’t seen The Cube – I shall investigate! x

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