Not a Fan
I am not sure that I like these tuxedo nails from Zooey Deschanel at last night’s Golden Globes. In fact, I know I don’t. She looks like she has Pingu on her fingers. And the black line on the bottom makes her nails look shorter than they are. Pfft.
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Red Magazine + meeting my nephew
I have a piece in this month’s Red magazine, the Christmassy issue with Lorraine Pascale on the cover.
It’s about why I love nail polish and what colours I wear for special occasions.
Here is a picture of the then-unborn baby that I mention in the piece, with the piece. He is my nephew Louis and I think we can all tell that he likes Chanel Peridot as much as I do.
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The Perfect Coral
Even though I can only see one toenail here, I am desperate to know everything about the nail polish that Marilyn has on her toenails. What brand? Did she do it herself? Was it chipped on the other toes? Smudged? But mostly, I just want to know what the colour was.
It is a very specific kind of movie star coral that I have yet to find in real life. It turned up a lot in the late 50s and early 60s, and is similar to the lipstick that Julie Andrew wears in The Sound of Music. But it is also in a lot of 30s dramas. The best recent example of this was earlier in the year when it cropped up in Upstairs Downstairs. My sympathies were with Lady Agnes, what with the whole having her baby so unexpectedly thing, but really I was just looking at her nails.
That colour is just such a lovely semi-matte, not-too-pink, not-yet-orange, piece of perfection.
And the manicure is always nice and short when you see this colour. Practical. It’s a colour that looks deliciously polished but doesn’t radiate ‘STAND BACK EVERYONE I’VE JUST HAD MY NAILS DONE’. It just looks, well, rich.
All of this is lovely. But I can’t find a modern equivalent anywhere. So far, I have tried Jessica: Enchantress, Models Own: Clementine, Chanel: Ming (!), Chanel: Orange Fizz, and Deborah Lipman: Girls Just Want to Have Fun. No dice.
I have some small hope for next year’s Chanel: June. But I’m still not sure. I wish I just knew what Marilyn had.
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There is an occasion when long and bright need not mean Nail Horror Spatula Manicure of Doom and Distress.
But you need an awful lot to back it up: you need to be a world class singer, songwriter and dancer, with an ability to sing pitch perfect while being led through a crowd by a burly security guard, to make people cry with your interpretation of The Beautiful Ones; you need to have a backing band of super-cool women who can all play their instruments and dance at the same time as you; you need to be unerringly professional and unfailingly polite; you need to work hard, helping your government and inspiring children with the clear respect you have for your body.
Then, and only then, will I find your long red nails acceptable. Just thinking about it has made my hands go a bit like this.
Oh, and also, does anyone know where I can get this t-shirt?
Because I just loved Beyoncé at Glastonbury.
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I love this site
Truly, I love this site.
It consumes me. I am desperate to contribute, but I have stage fright. What could possibly be good enough to compete?
Well, I have definitely decided that I will be modelling with a spuntino from Spuntino. But what colour nails?
At first I wanted to show off my new Chanel Morning Rose, which I adore. But would something so pink look a bit gross among the meat?
Then I decided I’d go with my new Deborah Lippman. It’s called I Know What Boys Like, and it’s something that I like too. When I saw it in the bottle I was worried that it might look a little ‘teenager with an infected piercing talking loudly on the tube’, but actually once it’s on it looks rather grown up. The blue is a lovely deep colour, neither teen-rebel nor something you might like to paint your front door with. But with a burger it might look a little too ‘catering plaster chic’.
So it’s down to two Leighton Denny shades, Do Me a Flavour and Prim and Proper. What do you think?
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Spatula nails update
I continue to wage my fiery yet futile war against the spatula nail. Katie Price/Jordan has long been an offender, but I tend to try and ignore her wherever possible. However, this image from the Daily Mail online suggests that a) she is, like, so totally into her new man Leandro and one hundred percent over all other men she has known before, and b) she is perhaps edging closer to accepting that where manicures are concerned bright = short, and pale = long.
I don’t understand why more women, especially ones with gel nails, don’t understand that if their nails are long and bright, the overall effect just ends up being Edward Spatula-hands. It is repulsive. It is impractical. And it’s really, really weird.
I will continue to monitor the situation, so you don’t have to.
Filed under: Neons, Polish, Why, why, WHY? | 3 Comments
Oh dear. Oh dear me. I didn’t mean to do it, but the otherwise lovely author Sophie Hannah suggested I did. I should have known better. People eat bloody GRAVEL in her books. But I went and watched Orphan. On a Sunday night.
As if the film wasn’t terrifying enough, it has now turned me off nail polish. Possibly for life. Because just as I leaned into the TV to turn it off, I was confronted with the most horrific closing credits sequence of all time.
WAS THE FILM NOT ENOUGH?
How could something that brings me so much pleasure now fill me with such morbid fear? Please help me. Help me to love nail polish again. Why do you love it? Please tell me you do. Or I might burn down your house…
Filed under: Cuticles, Nail Polish in the Movies, Polish, Why, why, WHY? | 4 Comments
Cheryl’s red nails still really bother me. This pic, from the Daily Mail website, will send me to bed with a terrible sense of Sunday night dread.
I can deal with the hair, I can deal with the ruffles, I can even deal with the foot stealing trousers. But NO MORE RED SPATULA NAILS. Please Cole, please. We need something else from American Cheryl.
Filed under: Why, why, WHY? | 6 Comments